The grapes ain't sour, they are just grapes

Shessh..last week was a hell full of challenges and really tested my endurance physically & emotionally.
It was too depressing to even write about.
Let's just say there was a series of unfortunate events that I have to go through alone.
I almost gave up and failed.
But I guess determination is the key of everything, I'm glad it all ended well.
As cliche as it may sound, I found the silver lining behind the clouds.
What doesn't kill me makes me stronger right?

For that, I think I deserve a reward.
I have decided to indulge myself by buying some expensive stuff as an appreciation to myself.
Already discussed a few options with my dear good friend, I think I'm gonna get it within this week.
It will give a damn huge hole on my pocket, but self-appreciation is really important.
No amount of money in this world can buy that. (though some designer items will! tee hee)

I'm going to finish all my leaves in December, so far the only plan I have is to just relax at home.
Maybe I should go back to JB and spend all my leaves there, it is the only place where I get to be treated like a queen.
I can just sit and do nothing and nobody will judge me.
I've been craving for my mum's cooking too, plus my son will be in good hands there.

Movies to watch:
1) MJ's This Is It. - of cos, it's MJ u guys!!
2) Inglourious Basterds. - from my favourite director Quentin Tarantino
3) Law Abiding Citizens - I think I'm gonna like it.

Books to read:
1) What the dog saw
2) Outliers
The last book I read was "Tuesdays with Morrie". That was like years ago. I seriously need to start reading again...I can feel that some of my brain cells are dying.

If only there is more than 24 hours a day!

Too bad they aren't the happy pills

1. I'm down with fever, sore throat, flu and body ache (the usual 4 in 1 package). Went back after lunch today and rested. I'm still not feeling any better, but I must focus my energy and minds thinking that I'm already healed. I have a one and half year old boy to look after, I can't afford to be sick. My other half is out of town and I have no maid. It's just me and the boy most of the time on weekdays. Last week Raif had fever and vomited like 10 times in a night. I drove him to the clinic in a rainy, pitch dark night all by myself. The doctor thought I'm a single mother (suka speku kan!). But, it did feel a bit like Erin Brokovich when I carried him with one hand and holding an umbrella in another hand. Only that I don't drive a wagon and not as hot as Julia Roberts (ke mak lagi hot?)..tee hee. I didn't sleep at all that night and the next morning I have a line of important meetings.
I feel like a superwoman.

2. Went for the routine ante-natal check up yesterday. Looks like we gonna have another Syam, insyaAllah. It wasn't that surprising, my maternal instinct told me from the start that it's going to be a boy again. (although I secretly hope it's a girl this time). But it's ok, we can always try again next time kalau ada rezeki. Maybe I should use this as the reference :
This Chinese conception chart is said to be 99% accurate. It's correct for both Raif and the little man in my womb. So let's say if I were to have another child at the age of 32, to get a girl we should not do it in January, March and December. Right.

But again, I am thankful if my life is destined to be surrounded by guys (good looking ones I hope!).


3. Going to attend a Business Writing Skills course tomorrow to polish my non-existence writing skills. Hopefully I wont fall asleep in the class, all the medications prescribed to me can cause drowsiness. Must go to bed early tonight.

Blah!

Reality bites

I think the first hit reality TV show was The Survivor.
It was back in the 1997 or 1998, the winner for the first season was the guy who loves to swim and walk naked. What was his name again?
(Shit, I can't even remember a guy who showed his dick on national TV, how pathetic can I be?)

The Survivor was a huge success and became a trend-setter, since then we were flooded with thousands of reality shows.
And even though the games differ from one another, the concept are all the same - the strong stays and the weak leaves.
Of course, the strong is not necessarily strong and weak not really weak, it's how you play the game.
Sometimes, the stronger participant is made to be eliminated earlier by certain alliance of the weaker ones so that they will have better chances to win.

Reality TV shows are no different from the real life.
When I was still in school, I was separated from some of my close friends due to class- streaming based on exam grades.
In the Uni, I have seen a few of my friends were forced to leave after the first semester because their CGPA was not up to the minimum required level.

Sadly, the same thing happens in working life...only that, it is more competitive and tricky.
In school or Uni, at least we have the comfort knowing that if we study hard enough, we will be fine.
But in this so-called corporate world, working hard is not enough.
There is a game you need to play, because like Survivor, the winner is not necessarily the strongest or the smartest..it is someone who played the game well.
God knows how complex the game is...sometimes it involves playing bad-cop, good-cop, or be someone you are not for a while or go to the extent of putting knife behind someone's back.
And must carefully choose the right alliances or else it will back fire.

It is exhausting. Really.
And to see some of the people I know losing the game is not a beautiful sight.
They are "eliminated" not because they are not smart or strong, but because other people played the game better.

It is scary and depressing at the same time.

But that's just life. There's a thing called reality.
Wishful thinking only works up to certain limit.

But according to the infamous, most open secret in the world - " The Law of Attraction", it all started with the mind.
Whatever the mind believed and conceived, the body will achieve.
If we keep on visualizing the same thing over and over again, it will become a reality.
I guess I should keep the mental picture of me being the winner all the time.

Right...like, whatever.

Blah!

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

" I think I'm ready for Botox"

"Huh?"

"Babe, kita nih di ambang 3 series (30s), it's about time we do something about it..trust me, before we know it we might have turn into an old, ugly wrinkly fat lady"

"But I think u look fine, plus it's a painful procedure and expensive"

"Yeah u may want to run the economics on the Botox vs plastic surgery. I think at certain stage, Botox wont work and u need to actually go under the knife to get rid of those nasty wrinkles . Better have our dose of Botox now, I know this doctor..he works wonder I tell u"

"Tanakla, aku takut..nanti kang muka aku jadi mcm ada bini menteri tu. Senyum pun pipi tak gerak"

"Just let me know if u change your mind"

I went back home and think of what my friend said.
I looked into the mirror.
Yes, my life lines are getting more obvious and they seemed to have duplicate themselves in an exponential rates.

I've been following the basic skincare regime religiously since I started working.
Very seldom I went to the bed without putting on the eye gel and some moisturizer.
But I guess there's no way to stop the nature.
My stressful lifestyle and limited free time don't help much.

And now that I'm knocked up again, I have to be prepared to be fat for another round.
Losing the extra pounds will not be that easy, it requires disciplines and strong determinations.
Going fat and slim for few times definitely will effect the skin elasticity, hence speeds the ageing process.
Not that I'm complaining, it's a price I have to pay to get other things I want (read: kids).

It's just that, I cant imagine myself being the ugly old, fat, wrinkly lady with breasts on my lap.
Don't get me wrong, getting old is fine with me. I'm always realistic, age has never bother me.
But "ageing not gracefully" scares me.
(I think all the women out there share the same sentiment with me...we are so accustomed to the expectations designed for us -can't be fat, must have perfect hair and complexion, not supposed to have hair at certain places etc.)
And I don't buy the idea of putting something foreign into our body.
It's damn expensive too....ok, maybe it's affordable.
But I wasn't born with silver spoon in my mouth, I have to work my ass out to earn my living.
For that, I'm a bit particular when it comes to spending.

So Botox is out.
Ok, maybe not totally out. I should put it in my KIV file, just in case.
I guess I should just stick to the traditional, boring "healthy lifestyle with balanced diet" or the yoga, pilates whatever u call it.
Whether I'll have time to do it, is another question.
Will cross the bridge when we come to it.

Blah!

...and the water I will test

I was supposed to be on MC for 3 days for a full bed-rest because apparently I moved too much and my uterus was not happy about it.
Staying at home, doing nothing but lying on my back was really fun but after half a day, I felt enormously bored.
I called up my sister to gossip and bitch around, thankfully she was in town and we had a long, fun conversations.

My sister and I, we have a unique, non-conventional sister-sister relationship.
Although we came from the same sources and grew up in the very same environment, we are so different in every ways.
I think some of Adler's theory on Birth Order could be true.

Alfred Adler claimed that birth order influence personality. According to him, the first born is usually the conservative, power oriented while middle child is always the attention seeker, achievement oriented who always set unrealistic goal that often end up in failure.
The youngest, tends to outdo other siblings in various accomplishments.

My sister is the classical case of the middle-child syndrome.
She always think that the whole world is against her.
She thought our parents love my brother and I more because we were both straight As students and she was average.
And she was always annoyed with how I can get away with my super laid-back attitude (yes, u have no idea how lazy I was as a person, but hey, that's the privilege of being the youngest, right?).

But very little that she knew how much I adore her.
Physically, we were both tall and slender (then la) but we don't look alike...at all!!
Very fair, big eyes, sharp nose, straight silky hair, she makes heads turn, a traffic stopper.
I, on the other hand is a total opposite. I look like a bibik when sitting next to her.

I remember when we grow up it was all about comparisons on how different we look.
People would go like "eh lawanya anak awak ni Milah..blablabla" and when they saw me they would say " tapi adik dia lain sangat ye".
(Luckily these things did not affect my self-esteem ...ok, I lied. Maybe a little)

I wanted to be like her. She always has a good taste in fashion.
I used to wear her clothes when she was not around, pretending to walk and talk like her.
Sometimes I would use her makeup (which turned up as a disaster as we don't share the same skin tone..kelabu asap hokay!)
She sings and dances better than me, and way more artistic than me.
In short, except for the ehem, brains, she is all ahead of me.

But unfortunately she did not realize it all.
Being the middle child, she was always feeling insecure and rebellious.
I remember she used to tell me about bad karma that has been lingering her life. How she had no interest to further studies to tertiary level.
She ended up being an air stewardess, something she really wanted.
And she earned more than my brother and I, who graduated and have printed name cards with some superficial designations.

And I still adore her. She is one of the strongest woman I've ever known.

My sister is a type of person who dislikes to ask for favour, she would try her level best to do everything by herself. Of course, as a woman she has limitations and sometimes she failed. It makes her bitter and blame the karma all over again.

But I would say she has achieved a lot and her capabilities of coping with life is really impressive. She has fell many times and managed to stand again all by herself.

I wish I am that strong. But because I'm the youngest, I always have a little sense of dependency no matter how much I try to portray myself as an independent woman.

Most people don't understand the relationship we have. Often, we were mistaken as "tak ngam" or not close to each other.

Well, if being close means asking for money from each other at any possible time or showing affection physically like hugging in public, maybe we don't comply to it. We are not the type of siblings who live in a twisted, confused universe thinking "mengepaw" is cute and a way of showing love and care.

Our love and understandings go beyond monetary value. We have been each other's support system for as long as I existed.

Sure, we had our differences a lot of time, mostly because we have different views of life. But the beauty of being related by blood is that, nothing can be damaging enough. We settled our differences immediately.

She is always there for me when I have issues and during the lowest point of my life. She is the one I turned to for things I cannot discuss with my parents.

It's a sad thing that both of us are too busy to catch up with each other more often.

I hope she will get all the happiness in the world, because she really deserves it.

Gosh, I miss my family.

Carta makanan di open house

Presenting...my findings for the most popular dishes served for Hari Raya open houses. This chart is the result of one month full of makan events (which has contributed me additional kilograms *cries*)

Top Ten Food

1. Satay

Semua open houses that I attended ada satay. I must say it's a must have dish for any kind of celebrations

2. Lemang and nasi impit with rendang and kuah kacang

Naturally when there's satay, they'll be nasi impit as well. And lemang became more popular probably because it is very easy to get nowadays

3. Roti jala with kari ayam or kuah durian

Kuah durian because we are in durian season, normally it's just kari ayam.

4. Soto

I loikee...

5. Laksa Penang

Very appetizing, easy to prepare and very seldom tak menjadi.

6. Nasi Tomato / nasi ayam / nasi minyak

Mostly from catering service. I think this year, nasi tomato topped the nasi ranking.

7. Mee berkuah - mee bandung, mee rebus, mee kari

Yup, there will definitely be at least one dish of mee berkuah.

8. Mee / Bihun / Kuetiaw goreng

Not as the main dish, just to add variety.

9. Pasta - spaghetti bolognese or carbonara

Easy to prepare, easy to eat and many people like

10. Ayam goreng

What more can I say? It's not an occasion without ayam goreng.

Drinks

1. Sirap

2. Teh tarik

3. Oren

4. Sirap bandung

5. Sarsi

Desserts

1. Fruit cocktail pudding

With or without the milky gravy

2. Agar-agar

All types, many colours and shape. Kadang2 ada nata de coco

3. Jenis2 kuih talam - seri muka, talam ubi, keladi

Biasanya jiran sebelah bagi

4. Kuih raya

Almond London wajib ada

5. Cakes

Choc, cheese, sponge, tuan rumah yg kaya sikit ada cupcakes

Sekian penemuan saya untuk tahun ini. Harap berjumpa lagi di tahun hadapan.

I have no title for this entry

I've been busy, of work and non-work related matters.
Part of me wishes the Raya thingy to be over soon, so I can have my predictable, boring life back.
Major portion of me loves the full day makan invitations, I just hate it when my plans turned out to be otherwise because suddenly I'm (apparently) obliged to do something else that has nothing to do with me. (and I don't give a piece of shit about).

Well, I fully accepted the fact the my life is not about me anymore, whatever that makes me happy may not work the way it was anymore.
And that I sometimes have to do things I don't fancy at all so that another party can be happy.
And the give and take shit. (or is it just give and no take?)
Only that I just realized that I have resentments for all that.

I think I should not elaborate further on this, I'm just having difficult time (or probably it's the hormone talking).

Speaking of makan invitations, I think I have put on more weight than I should.
Who can resist the oily rendang, high carbs pasta and lemang, not to mention those sinful desserts that contain more than 500g of sugar each slice?
Luckily I'm not a dessert person, in fact I have very low tolerance for sugar. Anything that's considered as "average manis" by normal people standard would be too sweet for me.
And I'm glad that I don't have sweet tooth since my mother is diabetic, which means it's in the genetic and I have the fair chances to get it as well.
That's the main reason why I try to detach myself from all the sugary stuff - not really to prevent because I know once that thing runs in a family anyone can get it, nak kena, kena jugak.
I just don't want to develop the love for sweet food because I will miss it if I can't have it ( in case I kena).
I think for now, I can live with no desserts - cakes, agar2, any sweet kueh don't really bother me.
But I have an exceptional weakness for Pavlova meringue (nasib baiklah it's not really common).

OK, I should go and try to sleep now. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be less angry than today.
But the damn mercun won't stop making noise.
I just don't understand why some people still think mercun is a way of celebrating festival. It's fun when you are 7 or 8, when you don't really have a social responsibility.
But if you think mercun is really happening when you are 20, I think that is so sad.
There are kids and babies trying to sleep, some adult who need a good rest and warga emas yg tak berapa sehat.
Imagine when a baby can't sleep, the parents can't sleep too and the next day the parents have to work.
And because of sleep deprived, the parents give very low productivity at works, which will effect the economy of the nation.
Can't u see the bigger picture Mr Mercun?
Or maybe you should balik to your kampung and bakar mercun there where it is still an acceptable and happening thing to do.

Blah!